[Dovecot] Dovecot stones

[Marcin Mirosław]

W dniu 2012-03-31 23:28, Timo Sirainen pisze:
> For the last few days I've been thinking about my company and what it really should do, and as much as the current plan seems reasonable, I think in good conscience I really can't help but to bring up an alternative plan:
> 
> The support for Dovecot is quite good already, but wouldn't it be better if it was GUARANTEED that your email server was ALWAYS working with zero downtime or other problems?  After some thinking, planning and consulting with my spiritual guides I realized I really should just go ahead and do it:
> 
> From now on you can buy blessed Dovecot stones (http://www.dovecot.org/tmp/stone1.jpg), which are guaranteed to keep your email server running.  I don't think there's really any further reason for me to provide commercial support.  Probably the whole Dovecot mailing list will be pretty much useless after this as well, so I might as well stop posting there.  If you have any problems, you'll just buy a Dovecot stone and the problem will go away.  If for any reason that doesn't work, it means that your problem is more difficult than most and you need to buy a few more stones.  Please remember that each shipment may take up to 3 weeks to reach you, so get your stones early and in sufficient quantities.
> 
> A small email server will be happy enough with a single small Dovecot stone, but the more users you have the more stones you'll likely need.  This is because most people are rather unhappy with their lives, and they project their negative energies towards their surroundings, including their email servers.  To overcome this negative energy you need to have a counterbalancing positive energy, which the Dovecot stones will provide you.
> 
> The Dovecot stones are hand painted from the finest materials available to the sister of the author of Dovecot that she could find in the local shops. Each stone contains such love and dedication towards the well being of Dovecot that you will shed tears when you lay your eyes upon their physical being.  The images provided here unfortunately don't do justice to them.
> 
> http://www.dovecot.org/tmp/stone2.jpg - This is how i keep my home desktop running all day every day.  I have NEVER broken a single hard drive in my life.  I don't even bother to keep backups, because I KNOW it is useless for me.
> 
> A small Dovecot stone can be bought for 10 euros, a medium sized stone for 100 euros and a large stone for 500 euros.  Each large stone can usually handle around 1000-2000 users before you need to buy more.  If you have millions of users we'll need to find you a larger rock from my parents' backyard.  There are only a limited number of such rocks available (we disposed of most of them to our neighbors' yards years ago), so their prices need to be negotiated in advance.

Hello!
I'm using dovecot on vps, how can i use dovecot stone? Is it enough to
use photo of stone as boot splash or should i start dovecot with
LD_PRELOAD="/path_to_photo.jpg"?